There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying k to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?
Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. For Fast Companys final installment of our advice column, Posting Playbook, Steffi Cao and Delia Cai tackle your biggest questions about online careerism and Venmo etiquette.
I feel like I should be posting more on social media to further my career as an artist. Am I going to fall behind if I don’t?
Steffi: I see it as a kind of add-on situation: Posting on social media can be a great tool to promote your work and get different eyeballs on your art, but its not crucial to your development as an artist. What matters the most is honing your skill and actually making stuff, after allonce you start caring more about your Instagram posts than your product, then its time to sit back and reevaluate your life.
But its silly to say that you can totally eschew social media to further any public-facing career now. Everyone, regardless of their industry, has some kind of pressure to advertise their lives, and romanticize their high-powered careers through the bells and whistles of mirror selfies, party photos, a medley of vague, brooding slice-of-life shots featuring glasses of white wine and overlays of books. But you cant believe everything you see on social media. Thats always the rule. This includes the smoke-and-mirrors of glamorous industry parties where everyone seems to be dressed well and rubbing shoulders with the right circles of people, who seem to be getting further in their artistic endeavors because theyre drinking champagne with the right people. Connections are deeply important to any creative industry, this is always true, but its not worth it to stress about if youre falling behind because you saw someone post their Getty Images from last nights downtown indie soiree. That way lies madness. I say, put aside time to post on the platform that feels least annoying to you, then youre free to ignore it for the rest of the week. Nothing about it should be super high-investment, since this is free content, but just throw a bone out there to say, who want me? Then you can spend the rest of your precious time actually making something that feels good to you. This shouldnt be your number-one priority anyway, and it really shouldnt take up the most valuable real estate in your brain.
Delia: Not necessarily. Social media is certainly useful both as a de facto business card and a method of updating people about your work. But the real secret to using it to advance ones career, I think, is that it humanizes you to prospective clients, collaborators, etc. and essentially helps people feel like they already know you. And of course, everyone prefers working with people they know. Thats a bit of a cynical read on the state of parasocialism, but perhaps it might be helpful for you to consider the strategy of your posting in that way, outside of simply having to post more.
Still, if the idea of tending to your social media as an artist just totally deadens your heart, theres no rule that says you post, or be left behind. I do think that if you choose to opt out of posting, I would still take the time to set up your page with a few highlights and basic info (like how to get in touch or where to see your work), and then you can leave it be. Otherwise, youre likely will miss out on opportunities any time someone decides to look you up on social media first. If youre worried about falling behindor at least, being less top-of-mind than your more post-happy peersyou may have to commit a little more energy into IRL networking and promoting your work. Whether its giving yourself a goal of going on a couple of coffee meetings per month or looking into other forms of online self-promotion (newsletters, a traditional website), go with the method that feels most in alignment with you.
What’s the correct Venmo request/reminder/payment etiquette?
Delia: As a personal rule, I try to never put the lender (the person who is owed the money on Venmo) in a position where they have to raise the topic with me first. If a friend offers to cover drinks at the bar, Ill make a point of asking them to Venmo request me, though I think its classier to simply take a look at the bill at the end of the night and proactively send the money through immediately. On the other end, of course, its trickier. I tend to always use emojis in the description of a Venmo request to soften the feeling of like, itemizing my relationships, and I will never use the actual Venmo remind button, because that seems passive-aggressive.
If more than a week goes by and the request hasnt been paid, Ill shoot a text to that person and feign a bit of relatable urgency: Hi! So sorry, but do you mind Venmoing me for last weeks movie? Have to pay my landlord today! That subtly shifts the issue to be a matter of payment timing, and not my (real) annoyance about not getting paid back. If that text gets ignored (or lost in the shuffle), I might bring it up with this person the next time I see them in person, but otherwise, I might cut my losses and begin reevaluating the friendship itself. Because then its just rude!
Steffi: For everyones peace of mind, its incredibly important to have a common understanding with your loved ones about how you prefer to Venmo each other. A lack of communication around money has been the impetus for many ends of friendships, relationships, marriages and moreso when youre out with your friends, its always important to ask if youd prefer to split the bill evenly or put it on one card and Venmo request. Also, like Delia said, be proactive about paying people back when they cover for you.
As for those bigger days out where multiple cards are getting put down on the table (long nights out, weeklong trips, bachelorette parties), I think its very important to set an expectation with people before the bill gets paid about how these Venmo requests are about to work. It doesnt need to be a long conversation, but its important to get on the same page about it. Whether its one card operating as a tab that charges everyone back or splitting evenly each time, as long as youre all comfortable with it ahead of time, thats all that matters. To be honest, my best friends and I Venmo request each other line-by-line, even if weve all effectively paid the same amount, because we all do not play about our budget spreadsheets. Perhaps it might be considered overkill, but Ive never worried about covering for them as a result, because weve had a quiet agreement on how we respect each others money for a decade. Ive never used the remind button as a result.
Frankly, I think people need to be more annoyingly candid about money. Look around us! Eggs are ten dollars, tariffs are sending prices to the moon, the cost of living is outpacing income by a mile. Get real and stop putting your card down for people you dont know just because youre worried about being impolite. Venmo request everyone immediately if they havent already paid you back. It all boils down to the time-worn adagetreat people how you would want to be treated. Wouldnt that also apply to your own hard-earned money?
