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Few self-help ideas are as prevalent and widely celebrated as the advice to “just be yourself.” Whether in job interviews, workplace interactions, or career choices, we are frequently encouraged to act “authentically”without compromise or concern for external pressures. While this sounds comforting and empowering, authenticity as an interpersonal strategy is fundamentally flawed and at odds with hundreds of scientific studies on emotional intelligence, social skills, and career success. As I illustrate in my forthcoming book, Dont Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated and What To Do Instead, authenticity is not a helpful life hack, but rather a misguided notion that can easily backfire and lead to undesirable and counterproductive behaviors. Although there is no universal definition of authenticity, at its core, mainstream conceptualizations boil down to four general rules or principles: Always be honestwith others and yourself. Stop worrying about what others think of you. Follow your “heart” and values no matter what. Bring your whole self to work. Despite their appeal and likely good intentions, there are multiple problems with each of these rules, namely: 1. The pitfalls of honesty The advice to always be honest assumes that truthfulness is inherently beneficial, but this is not true. For starters, we lie to ourselves all the time, which makes it rather hard to be honest with others. For all the potential advantages of self-awareness, self-deception is the norm, and humans are prewired to interpret reality in self-serving ways. There is a practical reason for this: People with an inflated sense of their abilities tend to impress others more easily. Put plainly, bullshit is self-fulfilling: The more you BS yourself, the easier it is for you to BS others. In contrast, those who accurately assess their limitations often struggle to project confidence, for self-doubt and self-criticism are also contagious. Being honest with yourself is also rather painful: There is a reason the technical term for people who are capable of interpreting reality in accurate terms is depressive realists. Furthermore, deceptionespecially in the form of white liesserves a practical purpose in professional settings. Job interviews, performance evaluations, and workplace interactions tend to reward those who present a polished, strategic version of themselves rather than an unfiltered one. Even when people tell you they value authenticity, they prefer you to be rewarding to deal with, which means telling them what they want to hear rather than what you think they need to hear, even if the former requires acting and faking while the latter requires truth-telling. 2. The importance of others’ opinions The idea that we should ignore what others think of us may sound romantic, and almost smell of freedom, but it is both unrealistic and counterproductive. Humans are social creatures whose success depends on reputation, trust, and relationships. Research in social psychology highlights that other peoples perception of us is critical to career advancementhiring, promotions, and professional opportunities hinge not on how good we think you are, but on how good others think we are. Even when it comes to authenticity, a trait that is often valued by others, what matters is not how authentic we feel, but whether others find us authentic (trustworthy, reliable, predictable, and so on). This requires not just paying a great deal of attention to how people think of us, but also making the effort to impress them, which is the exact opposite to just being ourselves. Completely disregarding external opinions can make individuals seem abrasive, insensitive, entitled, and even narcissistic. Instead of ignoring or rejecting feedback, a more effective approach to interpersonal relations is to manage one’s image thoughtfully and carefully. Caring about what others think of you isnt a threat to your self-love, and if you decide to ignore what people think of you in order to boost your self-love, thats precisely how delusional narcissism manifests. Our reputation is not just constructed by others, but even owned by them. The only way to improve it is to understand how others see us, which requires paying a great deal of attention to other peoples views and opinions of usthis is not a sign of insecurity, but the essential hallmark of empathy and social skills. 3. The risks of blindly following your heart Popular culture romanticizes the idea of following ones heart, but emotions and instincts are rarely reliable guides. In fact, they are the source of impulsive, regrettable, and biased decisions, not to mention the major cause of prejudice, polarization, and tribalization. Making choices purely based on feelings can lead to short-sighted or detrimental outcomes, and it is already our default tendency: As behavioral economists have shown, we tend to think fast, which is a euphemism for not thinking at all. Moreover, rigidly adhering to personal values without considering external factorssuch as workplace culture and social normscan create unnecessary friction. Effective professionals recognize that ethical decision-making involves nuance and compromise. Why be true to your values when you can be open to other peoples values, so you understand their perspective, feelings, and points of view? How are we meant to work together in a culture that recognizes and tolerates the rich diversity that underpins human nature, if we all stay rigidly put and fixed on our own values? Furthermore, what if your values are toxic. For example, you may value your own selfish interests over the wellbeing of others; you may value greed, power, status, and even stepping on other peoples toes, as well as taking advantage of those who are weak, nave, or vulnerable. If that is the case, do we really want you to be true to your values? If some values are better than others, where do we draw the linehow do we know which values can be expressed, and which should be repressed? In short, it is only through having the self-critical humility and open-mindedness to question our values and their consequences, and make an effort to tolerate other peoples values, that we can truly aspire to collaborate and cooperate in a modern and civilized work culture. 4. The Myth of ‘bringing your whole self to work’ Encouraging employees to bring their “whole selves” to work suggests that complete transparency and personal expression are always beneficial. While workplace engagement improves when individuals feel comfortable being themselves, there is a fine line between authenticity and oversharing. Theres a difference between liking your job and erasing the boundaries between your professional and personal self. Professionalism requires emotional intellignce and situational awareness. Sharing too much personal information or treating colleagues as close friends can lead to misunderstandings, discomfort, or even reputational harm. If you assume your colleagues are interested in who you truly are, let alone desperate to meet your unfiltered and uninhibited self, think again. Your whole self, which includes your eccentric, inappropriate, and opinionated self, must surely be edited in a work environment. Different workplace cultures have different expectationssome encourage personal expression, while others prioritize formality. Being adaptable and reading social cues is far more effective than insisting on uninhibited authenticity. In the best-case scenario, your whole or true self may be someone who perhaps three or four people have learned to love. Needless to say, many people see work as just that, work, rather than a central part of their identity. This is what work has always been for the majority of people, something they do to get paid, make ends meet, and make a living. There are plenty of other sources of meaning outside ones job or career, so the assumption that people want to blend or integrate their personal and professional selves is simply nave. In short, authenticity is often presented as a golden rule for success, but real-world interactions require a more balanced approach. If anything, you are almost always better off not being yourself. Our freedom to “be ourselves” ends where our responsibilities to others begin, and a world in which everybody is just focused on being themselves and expecting others to adapt to their uncensored or unedited self would be an antisocial and chaotic world. Navigating professional environments effectively means knowing when to be genuine and when to engage in skillful and ethical deception to manage impressions and develop a reputation for being kind, caring, and not too authentic.
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When Apple first introduced MagSafe for the iPhone in 2020, I did not fully appreciate it. iPhones had supported wireless charging for a few years at that pointand Android phones started doing so in 2012and while MagSafe offered faster and less finicky charging, it didn’t really change how you use your phone. Over time, though, Apple’s magnetic charging and docking system has blossomed into an important piece of the Apple accessory ecosystem. All of which makes the lack of MagSafe on the new iPhone 16e a letdown. It’s not the only compromise Apple made in pursuit of a $600 price tag: It also has just one rear camera lens, only two color options, and a front camera notch that cuts out Dynamic Island features. But to me, the MagSafe omission stands as the biggest reason to seek out other iPhone options. Beyond the overnight charge Admittedly I still don’t use MagSafe for overnight charging. I keep an Anker 3-in-1 charger on my nightstand, and placing my iPhone up against the vertical charging stand is simple enough. The 7.5W charging speeds are slower than MagSafe’s 15W (or 25W, on the latest version), but that’s irrelevant for an eight-hour charge session. For me, MagSafe matters most in two scenarios: Power banks: I have a couple of portable batteries that snap onto the iPhone’s backside for a wireless top-up. They’ve been essential on trips where I’m using the camera and mapping extensively and don’t want to have charging anxiety toward the end of the day. Dashboard mounting: The car we use for family trips doesn’t support CarPlay, so my wife and I use a magnetic vent mount to keep one of our phones within reach for navigation and music. Beyond that, accessory makers have tapped into MagSafe in all kinds of other creative ways: MagSafe iPhone grips prevent you from dropping your phone. MagSafe laptop and monitor mounts work with Apple’s Continuity Camera feature to turn your iPhone into a webcam. There’s even a freestanding mount that tracks your face during video calls. MagSafe tripods, tripod mounts, and ring lights can help out in photo shoots. MCON is working on a magnetic iPhone game controller that fits in your pocket. Double magnet rings let you attach an iPhone to all kinds of surfacesincluding other iPhones. You may be familiar with MagSafe wallets, but what about MagSafe notepads? Meanwhile, Apple’s using MagSafe to turn iPhones into miniature smart displays using StandBy mode, which shows time, photos, and widgets when the phone is charging in landscape mode. I’m in the market for a desktop charger and will be seeking out MagSafe for StandBy in particular. As a frequent iPhone-to-Android switcher, I’ve tried to minimize the number of pain points that arise when bouncing between ecosystems, but MagSafe is a big one. I typically go back to the iPhone while traveling just to make use my existing MagSafe accessories, and it’s odd for Apple to exclude the feature from any of its phones as the MagSafe ecosystem continues to grow. In theory, MagSafe shouldn’t be this much of a differentiator for the iPhone. The open Qi2 standard, to which Apple was a main contributor, allows any phone to have similar magnetic attachments with 15W charging speeds, But while Qi2 has been available for more than year now, major Android device makers still aren’t building it into their phones,, so they can’t tap any of the accessories designed for magnetic charging and docking. The work-arounds Those who buy an iPhone 16e won’t be entirely frozen out of the MagSafe ecosystem. The phone still supports standard wireless charging, and lots of iPhone cases have built-in magnets that snap tightly onto MagSafe accessories. With a compatible caseor even just a MagSafe stickeriPhone 16e owners could still use MagSafe accessories and chargers, albeit at slower charging speeds. Still, the lack of built-in MagSafe is an issue for anyone who prefers a caseless phone, uses a lightweight protective bumper, or has a case thin enough to support MagSafe accessories without its own magnets. Besides, Apple still markets the iPhone around caseless usefor instance, with ads that point to its durabilityso it’s probably not assuming that all of its users will have a case to use with MagSafe accessories. Apple continues to sell the iPhone 15 for $699, which is $100 less than the iPhone 16e, but the refurbished and used markets offer considerable discounts. Back Market and Amazon, for instance, sell like-new refurbished iPhone 15 models with one-year warranties for $540 and $529, respectively. While the iPhone 16e improves on the iPhone 15 in some wayslonger battery life, newer processor with Apple Intelligence support, and an Action ButtonI’d rather have MagSafe than any of those features. At this point, it’s hard to imagine using an iPhone without it.
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Competency checking is a practice that imposes extra scrutiny on Black professionals and people of color, challenging their qualifications, intellect, and ability to advance. There are three primary ways competency checking is deployed in the modern workplace. The first is the assumption of Black intellectual inferiority and/or a lack of qualifications. This can manifest in low expectations, marginalization, and extreme micromanagement. (More simply: If someone assumes, consciously or unconsciously, that all Black people are intellectually inferior, they may question the person and their qualifications more closely during an interview and, once hired, pay much more attention to their work while looking for any mistakes.) The second method of competency checking is the expression, particularly of surprise or unease, with open displays of Black intelligence, which can trigger requests or demands to confirm how it was acquired and whether its the result of rote memorization or actual, integrated knowledge. This can manifest as dismissal, quizzing, argument, and tokenization. (If a Black person knows something that their white coworker doesnt already know, the coworkers reaction isnt I didnt know that! but more often How do you know that?) The third method of competency checking is activation, specifically the feeling of fear when confronted with a Black person who holds any authority, especially someone in a leadership position. This can manifest as requests for identification, undefined feelings of unfairness, anger, unease, and what I would describe as an autoimmune level rejection of Black leadership. While competency checking can happen to other people of color and, to some extent, white women, there are specific historical and cultural reasons why Black people seem to bear the brunt of it. This book is an exploration of these methods; when, how, and why they were created and implemented; and how they continue to have an outsize impact on Black people and other people of color at work. The idea that it is not incompetence that is holding back Black professionals is for many a foreign concept. Thats understandable, given that the narrative surrounding Black peopleand the reason the workplace looks the way it does todayis that they dont value education or that theres no one in the hiring pipeline because there are so few qualified Black people, or that Black people want special treatment. Whats interesting is that both anecdotal and empirical evidence suggests that Black workers are getting a type of special treatment, just not the type that many people think. In 2019, the Economic Policy Institute (EPI) released research that revealed the impact of race and racism in the workplace. That year was a hot labor market, and the U.S. saw the longest economic expansion in its history, with more than 100 consecutive months of job growth and more than 21 million jobs added. But the EPIs analysis of Bureau of Labor Statistics and Local Area Unemployment Statistics and U.S. Census Bureau data uncovered some surprising things: Per their report, Black workers are twice as likely to be unemployed as white workers overall, even Black workers with a college degree are more likely to be unemployed than similarly educated white workers. That unemployment gap, apparently, is a pattern that has persisted for more than 40 years. In fact, this 2-to-1 ratio holds in practically every state in the nation where Black workers make up a significant share of the workforce. I believe that gap is linked, especially when it comes to new hires and leadership, to competency checking. And it starts with a name. In 2024, The New York Times reported on research from the National Bureau of Economic Research about the impact of a Black- or white-sounding name on job applications. In a 2019 study, researchers sent 80,000 fake résumés for 10,000 job openings at 100 companies. The résumés were modified to imply different racial and gender identities, using names like Latisha or Amy to indicate a Black or white woman, respectively, and Lamar or Adam for a Black or white man. According to the resulting data, on average, candidates believed to be white received contact from employers about 9.5% more frequently compared to those thought to be Black. This type of research is known as an audit study, and it was the largest of its kind in the United States. Ultimately, it found that the results demonstrate how entrenched employment discrimination is in parts of the U.S. labor marketand the extent to which Black workers start behind in certain industries. Its not all doom and gloom: Some companies showed little to no bias when it came to screening applicants for entry-level positions. And while there is much to learn from the companies that got it right, we must remember that this study pertains solely to entry-level positions that do not require a college degree or extensive work experience. It also does not cover aspects of career progression or advancement opportunities within these companies, which are equally critical to understanding the full scope of how competency checking shows up in the workplace. From the book Qualified: How Competency Checking and Race Collide at Work by Shari Dunn. Copyright 2025 by Shari Dunn. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
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