Over a decade ago, I was discriminated against at work based on how I dressed.
At the time, I often chose to wear ties to work. I was in my mid 20s, living in NYC, and embracing the opportunity to dress in a way that felt authentic to me. I was good at my job and worked with a team of people who loved me. I felt safe. I never guessed that how I dressed would end up costing me a promotion.
I was interviewing internally for a new role and after the final round of interviews, my manager asked if I had time to talk. She explained that she was accidentally forwarded an email that included a sentence I will always remember:Im not comfortable introducing our clients to a woman in a tie.
What a stupid sentence.
My boss (who is also an underrepresented woman in tech) wanted me to have that information in case I wanted to push back or take legal action. I was too furious to want the job anymore, but I was eager to explore legal options, and quickly found my way to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).
The role of the EEOC
The EEOC helped me file an employment discrimination complaint, and, more importantly, they reminded me that my anger was justified and that it held value. While we ultimately didnt pursue the discrimination case beyond the first filing of the complaint and I left the job soon after, taking action gave me back a sense of control during a situation where I had felt powerless. They validated my experience, affirmed my worth, and reminded me that what happened to me was not just wrongit was illegal. I left soon after learning about the email as I had no interest in a company that judged clothing over competence.
Following President Trumps executive order last month that mandates federal agencies only recognize two biological genders assigned at birth, the EEOCs has decided to stop processing claims of discrimination related to sexual orientation and gender identity. It isnt just a policy changeits a significant step backward. For decades, the EEOC has been a critical resource for marginalized workers, offering a path to justice for those who face discrimination simply for being themselves.
When I first heard about this decision, it hit me hard. It brought back the same horrible feeling I had years ago when I was denied a promotion for something as trivial as wearing a tie. Now I worry about others who will face similar, and worse, discrimination without that same lifeline. LGBTQ+ individuals continue to face disproportionate levels of workplace discrimination. A 2021 study by the Williams Institute found that nearly half of LGBTQ+ workers have faced discrimination, from lost promotions to outright harassment.
The responsibility now falls on companies and leaders
And the shift at the EEOC isnt happening in isolation. Its part of a broader pattern of eroding protections for LGBTQ+ folks across the country. When federal agencies like the EEOC are ordered to stop enforcing LGBTQ anti-discrimination laws, it creates a ripple effect. It emboldens bias in workplaces, schools, and communities. It tells employers that they can get away with treating their employees unfairly. And, maybe more importantly, it tells LGBTQ+ individuals that their rightsand their dignityare not guaranteed. We find ourselves in a system failing to protect its most vulnerable.
Without federal protections, the responsibility to treat employees fairly falls on companies and their leaders. This starts with clear, enforceable anti-discrimination policies that explicitly include LGBTQ+ protections (and no gendered dress codes!). And the policies cant just exist on paper; they need to be communicated, enforced, and embedded into the company culture. With DEI currently under attack, these protections are more critical than ever.
My clothing choices have shifted over the years and, these days, working from home means that I wear sweatpants more often than not. But, when I show up at a speaking engagement in a tie and blazer, I wear them as symbols of resilience and resistance. The EEOC once served as a crucial backstop for people like methose who faced discrimination for how they show up in the world. Without protections for LGBTQ+ people like me, the fight for workplace equity falls even more on people who are willing to stand up.
Sometimes we work to end workplace discrimination in big ways, and sometimes in small, stubborn acts of joyful self-expression. Because no one should ever miss out on a promotion over a stupid, but very cute, tie.
