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Mom guilt is such a familiar phrase that we rarely stop to ask what it really meansor why its so persistent. It describes that quiet, gnawing feeling that many mothers carry: that were not doing enough, not present enough, not loving, patient, or creative enough. That were falling short, even when were doing our best. But what if that guilt isnt just about personal choices? What if its not a private emotional shortcoming, but a reflection of something much largercultural messages, historical expectations, and systemic gaps that shape how mothers live and feel today? This essay offers a different way to think about mom guilt: not as a flaw in individual women, but as a symptom of a society that demands too much, offers too little, and then asks mothers to feel bad about the gap. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2025\/03\/acupofambition_logo.jpg","headline":"A Cup of Ambition","description":"A biweekly newsletter for high-achieving moms who value having a meaningful career and being an involved parent, by Jessica Wilen. To learn more visit acupofambition.substack.com.","substackDomain":"https:\/\/acupofambition.substack.com","colorTheme":"salmon","redirectUrl":""}} A guilt with no off switch Psychologically, guilt is often defined as a moral emotiona response to doing something wrong and wanting to make it right. But mom guilt rarely stems from a specific mistake. Instead, it often shows up as a vague, persistent sense of inadequacy. It lingers, shapeless but heavy. Because its so diffuse and constant, mom guilt may be less a personal emotion and more a shared emotional patterna kind of cultural atmosphere. Cultural theorist Raymond Williams called this a structure of feeling: not a formal rule, but a common way of feeling shaped by a particular time and place. In this view, mom guilt isnt just something mothers feelits something weve been taught to feel. Where did these expectations come from? To understand how this emotional pattern developed, we need to look at the historical construction of the good mother in American culture. After World War II, the ideal mother was cast as a full-time homemaker: white, middle-class, married to a breadwinner, and entirely devoted to her children. Her work was invisible but essential, and her worth came from self-sacrifice. By the 1990s and early 2000s, that ideal had morphed into what sociologist Sharon Hays called intensive mothering: mothers were now expected to be constantly emotionally attuned, manage every detail of their childs development, follow expert advice, and sacrifice their own needs to do it all. And even as more women entered the workforce, this new model still assumed unlimited time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. The result? Many mothers felt stretched thin, torn between competing demands: be selfless but successful, always available but independent. Mom guilt wasnt a sign of failureit was a natural outcome of being asked to do the impossible. The role of systemsand their silence These expectations dont exist in a vacuum. Theyre intensified by how little structural support American families receive. Unlike many wealthy countries, the U.S. offers no guaranteed paid parental leave. Childcare is expensive and hard to access. Most workplaces still operate as if someone else is handling everything at home. When mothers feel exhausted or overwhelmed, the message they receive is: Try harder. Be more grateful. Find balance. This reflects a deeper cultural logicone that blames individuals for structural problems. In this model, the solution to burnout is self-help, not social change. Mom guilt thrives in this space. It turns systemic failure into personal shame. It keeps women striving, quiet, and inwardly focusedwondering if theyre doing enough, instead of asking whether society is. Guilt is gendered Its also important to say this clearly: mom guilt is not evenly distributed. Fathers, especially in heterosexual partnerships, are rarely expected to feel guilty for long work hours or needing rest. When they show up for parenting, theyre often praised for helping. Mothers, by contrast, are expected to organize their livesand emotionsaround their childrens needs. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild called this emotional labor: the often invisible work of managing others feelings. In families, mothers are expected to carry the emotional weight. When they fall short, they feel guiltnot just about actions, but about presence, patience, and even joy. So what do we do with it? Rather than telling mothers to get over their guilt, we might ask: what is this guilt doing? Who benefits from it? Mom guilt isnt just a feelingits a social mechanism. It keeps women pushing toward unattainable ideals, keeps them quiet about their needs, and keeps attention focused inward instead of outward. It makes it harder to question the systems that are, in fact, failing us. Theres no quick fix. But theres power in naming it. When guilt creeps in, we can pause and ask: Where did this should come from? Whose expectations am I trying to meet? What would I needpersonally and structurallyto feel less torn? These questions wont erase guilt, but they can loosen its grip. They shift the storyfrom one of individual failure to one of cultural clarity and collective care. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2025\/03\/acupofambition_logo.jpg","headline":"A Cup of Ambition","description":"A biweekly newsletter for high-achieving moms who value having a meaningful career and being an involved parent, by Jessica Wilen. To learn more visit acupofambition.substack.com.","substackDomain":"https:\/\/acupofambition.substack.com","colorTheme":"salmon","redirectUrl":""}}
Category:
E-Commerce
Americans are not happy these days. Some of this angst is caused by the state of the world. Americans feel lonely, angry, cynical, and polarized. How are we supposed to do our best work considering all that is going on? But the problem actually goes deeper. We get distracted, seduced, and sabotaged by internal conversations and stories that skew our perceptions and hijack our emotions, ultimately getting in the way of living a happy and fulfilling life and a career that makes us proud. We are carrying around baggage that trips us up, drags us down, and wears us out. Fortunately, our minds have incredible potential to reprogram and rewire themselves. By expanding our self-awareness, looking directly at our pain, putting life in perspective, and distinguishing what we can and cannot control, we can create the opportunity for change. As a psychologist who has advised hundreds of top executives and organizations in 55 countries, Ive observed several attachments that keep people stuck, intensifying their anxiety, anger, and sadness and undermining their peace of mind. We are attached to: Stability We believe we can create stability and safety in our lives and careers. But there is no such thing. Every time we breathe, the world changes. By fearing change, we risk becoming too attached to stability. Research has shown that having a negative attitude toward uncertainty is associated with heightened anxiety and poor mental health. Theres also a strong association between feeling a sense of gratitude and favorable markers of cardiovascular health. Remember: uncertainty is reality and stability is an illusion. So, confront your fear of the unknown. Step out your comfort zone and embrace new challenges and opportunities. And be grateful for what you have in your life. Its likely you have everything you need right now. Past Many of us are living in the past. We idealize or demonize our memories and become immobilized by old emotional scars, relationships that didnt work, or business deals that went sour. Unresolved trauma, self-blame, or nostalgia for happier times are often the cause of our psychological pain. By not facing the truth and practicing forgiveness, we risk becoming too attached to the past. Forgiveness is linked to positive mental health and fewer physical health symptoms. Here we must challenge our limiting beliefs, let go of our grudges, shift the focus to the present moment, and build new connections with colleagues. Future Others of us are preoccupied with the future. We obsess over what is missing in our careers. We are never satisfied with who we are or what we have accomplished. By worrying about the future, we diminish our confidence and peace of mind. Here, we miss out on the present moment and believe that happiness exists in the future. Excessive future-oriented thoughts have consistently been linked to higher anxiety and depression. Try letting go of future expectations, stop comparing yourself with others, and relish the small everyday moments. Control From early childhood we are taught to shape our environment. We take charge and cleverly influence people to get what we want. Determined to control the uncontrollable, we hide our vulnerabilities and risk becoming too attached to control. Mistrusting others and our own anxiety are often the culprit. Embracing vulnerability can lead to healthier relationships and less emotional and physical pain. So, stop micromanaging your team. Perfection We are imperfect by nature. Yet how many of us are ruled by the need to be perfect. Then we impose our perfection on the people around us. By fearing rejection and mistakes and ignoring our need for approval, we risk becoming too attached to perfection. A 2022 study of 16- to 25-year olds found that 85% of participants identified having perfectionist traits that affected their physical and mental well-being. Balancing our work/family/personal lives is never easy. So, do your best, allow room for flexibility, and fall in love with your imperfections. Success Many of us get this need met at work. But when our desire for success turns into a compulsive need for achievement, weve got another problem. We define success from the outside in, based on other peoples expectations and not our own. This is driven by our fear of failure and not being good enough. People with an abundant, rather than a scarcity, mindset, are more creative, optimistic, and more unfazed by adverse circumstances. So, prioritize your well-being and happiness, practice self-compassion, and create space for rest and relaxation. Only when we confront our attachments head on can we drive true change. The result is more joy and freedom, and better performance. Keep in mind being detached does not mean being uninvolved or disconnected. Quite the opposite. By ridding our attachments, we free ourselves to embrace life fully and stay engaged in what matters.
Category:
E-Commerce
The new must-have pet accessory? A concrete slab. On #CatTok, videos are racking up views as cat owners bring slabs into their homes, set them down, and watch their beloved pets sniff, lick, roll, and rub against their new favorite toys. Bonus points if they’re placed in a sunny spot. @mrmilothechonk I should have bought 3 #foryou #foryoupage #cats #catsoftiktok #viral Almost forgot that this was the whole point – Take my Hand Instrumental – AntonioVivald The trend appears to have started with an orange tabby named Kurt and his owner, Abram Engle. Kurt loves rolling around on the concrete outside, so Im bringing the concrete to him, Engle explains in a video posted back in May. That video has since gained 4.7 million views and inspired other cat owners to try the DIY enrichment hack for themselves. Some are even taking their cats to Home Depot to pick out their own slabs. @abrameng Kurt was conking the crete original sound – Abram Engle Several cat owners have speculated whether their pampered pets former life might have something to do with the attraction. Since Minnow was originally a street cat, I was wondering if she missed being outside on the pavement, one owner theorized. Its safe to say she loved it, and now Im stuck with this new piece of furniture. Or, as one commenter put it, the toe stubber 3000. @shecatcalls PART 2 | Cat enrichment ideas. The way she sits more on this $7 brick than any of the actual cat beds and huts I buy her Can anyone else relate? Video idea inspired by Kurt the Cat @Abram Engle @The Home Depot #creatorsearchinsights #cats #cattok #sillycat #funny #meow Cute – In Music If its not nostalgia for a life once spent sleeping rough on the streets, what explains the attachment to what is, after all, just a block of concrete? While there havent been any formal studies on the phenomenon, Purina pet behaviorist and TikTok user Dr. Annie, aka Annie Valuska, PhD, has a few theories. For one, they’re new and kind of out of place, she explains. Due to cats’ territorial and predatory nature, they really like new stuff. The material itself may also play a role. Concretes porous surface holds onto scenta major way cats can communicate that a space belongs to them. It also offers a satisfying texture for scratching. And if you park it in the sun? Even better. It warms up really nicely when its placed in a sunny spot,” Valuska says in one video. “Cats like warmth because they have a higher body temperature than humans do, and they evolved from a species adapted to a warm environment.” Best of all? Its cheaper than most cat trees or towers.
Category:
E-Commerce
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