 |
|
|
|||||
How do I control my emotions? I get asked that question a lot. As an emotional intelligence coach, Ive received thousands of emails from readers over the years who get caught up in a cycle of emotional thinking, which leads them to say or do things they later regret. Often, this results in harm to their closest relationships, professional and personal. Heres the thing: Emotions arent bad. Theyre what make us human, and thats a good thing. The key isnt taking emotions out of the equation. Rather, you want to balance emotions and rational thinking, so you can look back and be proud of what youve said or done. To help with this, I recommend using simple self-talk expressions. These can help shake you from that vicious cycle of overly emotional thinking and restore balance. Here are five short phrases that will help you develop your emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage emotions effectively. (Sign up here for my free email emotional intelligence course.) What advice would you give? When you face an emotionally charged situation, its easy for emotions to cloud your judgment and cause you to say or do something you later regret. But when you ask yourself, What advice would I give someone else in this situation? you take yourself out of the hot seat. You think more clearly, with more balance. To help you use this framework effectively, try to imagine yourself a few years down the road. Whether you faced the challenge successfully or not doesnt matter; its past you. Now, imagine how you handled it and what consequences it led to. This will help you stimulate your thinking and answer the question more effectively. Mistakes are part of the process Everyone makes mistakes. But when you view mistakes not as failures but as part of the process of learning, you manage expectations and help others to benefit from them. When you train others, this framework can help you prepare for mistakes. For example, you might allocate more time or resources, because you know mistakes are coming. Itll also help you be more patient with those you are training, which helps build trust and psychological safety. Additionally, reminding yourself that mistakes are part of the process helps you and the people you train to see the bigger picture. You both see mistakes as learning opportunities, and leverage them as such. Be the change This expression is usually attributed to Mohandas Gandhi, but the first official record of it is found in a book chapter written by a high school teacher in Brooklyn: Be the change you want to see. The basic lesson goes like this: You cant force someone else to change. But you can provide a model for them to learn from. This is effective because researchers have shown that people learn not so much through reinforcement (rewards and punishments), but much more through observing others. When you remind yourself to be the change, not only do you set a positive example, you focus on what you can control (your own behavior) instead of getting frustrated by what you have no control over (the actions of others). At the same time, though, you increase the chances that those around you will change over time, too. Experiences over things As a business owner with four kids, Ive found that by prioritizing experiences over things you can learn more, remember more, and get more out of life. To be clear, things arent bad in themselves. The problem is the more stuff you have, the more stuff you want. (I like to call this more disease.) This sends you down a cycle of always wanting more, and thats a recipe for unhappiness because youre never satisfied. In contrast, experiences become a part of you. You create memories that change what you think about, how you act, the decisions you make. When an experience is over, its effects continuethey mold who you are as a person. You can use that three-word motto to reframe your view of work. Its not just to provide things; its to provide time for more experiences. But you also have to use that time, because once its gone, its gone forever. So, dont buy more stuff. Do more stuff. Attack the problem. Not the person I hate to admit it, but I tend to be passive-aggressive. Maybe you struggle with the same habit, or you know someone who does. You know, someone who says there okay when they clearly arent. Or, they pout or give the silent treatment when they dont get their way. Or, they simply agree to a decision but then dont do their part to make that decision a success. Theres a reason people like me start heading down that passive-aggressive path. Usually, Im trying to cope with negative feelings like frustration or disappointment. This phrase reminds me that my behavior isnt helping the situation; worse yet, its harming my relationship. Heres where this short phrase can be extremely helpful: Attack the problem. Not the person. This phrase helps me focus on being more activeattacking the problemby telling the person why I feel the way I do. Whats more, I can now work with them to find a solution to the problem. Or, at least I feel better at supporting the decision weve agreed upon because Ive had the chance to fully express my feelings. So, the next time you find yourself becoming a victim of your own emotions, remember the following phrases: What advice would you give? Mistakes are part of the process. Be the change. Experiences over things. Attack the problem. Not the person. Do so, and youll bring your emotions back to balance. Youll make better decisions. And youll reduce regrets as you make emotions work for you, instead of against you. Justin Bariso This article originally appeared on Fast Companys sister publication, Inc. Inc. is the voice of the American entrepreneur. We inspire, inform, and document the most fascinating people in business: the risk-takers, the innovators, and the ultra-driven go-getters that represent the most dynamic force in the American economy.
Category:
E-Commerce
I spent several years of my career in the uncomfortable role of middle manager. On one side, I had executives asking me why my team couldnt do more, and on the other side, my employees told me they were stretched too thin. It was an endless tug-of-war. I was both the enforcer of company expectations and the advocate for my teams needs. At times, my role felt at complete odds with itself. Executives push for efficiency and growth, while employees look for empathy and stability. Middle management, understandably, feels like a pressure cooker. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2025\/04\/workbetter-logo.png","headline":"Work Better","description":"Thoughts on the future of work, career pivots, and why work shouldn't suck, by Anna Burgess Yang. To learn more visit workbetter.media.","substackDomain":"https:\/\/www.workbetter.media","colorTheme":"green","redirectUrl":""}} The shifting role of middle management My role as a middle manager was many years ago. Todays middle managers have the added pressure of potentially becoming obsolete. Big companies like Amazon, Google, and Citigroup have opted to make their management teams leaner. Not to mention the looming threat of AI. With flattening org charts and AI-driven efficiencies, the role of middle management has changed. Theyre no longer the roles that keep things moving. Instead, theyre responsible for people: managing culture and communication across departments and locations. Yet even though the expectations and job descriptions have changed, many of the underlying limitations of middle management havent. Middle managers often have limited authority to implement changes. Yet, somehow, they have unlimited accountability for outcomes. Unlimited accountability that often leads to burnout, especially when managing people. I spoke to one former middle manager who said that she felt like she had to compensate for her employers unsustainable growth practices. I had to choose between screwing people over or shielding my team, she said. It was emotionally draining. Eventually, she quit and took a new job as a non-manager. The reimagined role of middle management To survive in the new world of middle management, you have to acknowledge that youll mostly be a people-manager rather than a task-manager. To succeed in this type of role, youll need to do all of the following: Set the right expectations with upper management, making your teams bandwidth and capabilities clear. Push back strategically and learn to frame conversations around outcomes (If we do X, here is the impact on Y). Protect your teams trust by being transparent, admitting the limitations of your authority, and advocating for fair workloads. Protect your own boundaries by caring for your team without carrying the burden of everyones problems. For many companies, middle management is the only way to get ahead (and earn more money). Yet its an increasingly risky role for companies that see the job only as task-based, not people-based. Those employers are most likely to lay off managers during rough economic times or when AI can replace tasks. Take on a middle manager role with your eyes fully open. If the company doesnt value a people-based role, you might want to find a new job elsewhere. Otherwise, youll find yourself underappreciated, constantly pulled in different directions, and at risk for losing your job. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2025\/04\/workbetter-logo.png","headline":"Work Better","description":"Thoughts on the future of work, career pivots, and why work shouldn't suck, by Anna Burgess Yang. To learn more visit workbetter.media.","substackDomain":"https:\/\/www.workbetter.media","colorTheme":"green","redirectUrl":""}}
Category:
E-Commerce
Below, Jodi-Ann Burey shares five key insights from her new book, Authentic: The Myth of Bringing Your Full Self to Work. Jodi-Ann is a writer and critic on race, culture, and health equity. Her essays appear in various arts, business, and literary publications. She created and hosts the prose and poetry salon Lit Lounge: The Peoples Art, as well as the Black Cancer podcast. Whats the big idea? Authentic is more than a critique of the empty promise of being authentic at work. It is an invitation to question the structural realities of what it takes to be a person at work. To begin, we must take seriously the health and wellbeing of workers most impacted by harmful policies, performative practices, and opportunistic rhetoric about representation and inclusion. Listen to the audio version of this Book Biteread by Jodi-Ann herselfbelow, or in the Next Big Idea App. 1. Center the voices of those most impacted. For years, Ive heard the phrase, bring your full, authentic self to work to support diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives. In public, Ive heard workers of marginalized identities talk about their desire to be more authentic and the barriers preventing us from letting our full self flourish. In private, however, Ive witnessed friends and colleagues scoff at the idea of workplace authenticity, saying something along the lines of, Yeah, right, or They dont want that, or They dont even know what that means. I wrote this book to raise the volume of those conversations. The reality is that the more of ourselves we give, the more institutions take from our careers, health, and well-being, and therefore the more we risk our livelihoods and lives. The stickiness of the bring your full authentic self to work narrative relies on the erasure and silence of those workers who are most harmed by fair-weathered inclusion policies and practices. But we cannot understand how work works without talking to Black people and other people of color, people with disabilities, women, queer people, and especially those of us sitting at the intersections of marginalized identities. These are the identities companies cyclically like to say they value, while targeting us with discrimination, bullying, abuse, and inequities in pay and opportunity. 2. Collective access, not reasonable accommodation. I have a spinal cord injury and must take care of my body in a way that minimizes neuropathic pain flares. Before the global COVID-19 pandemic, my employer made it very difficult for me to meet my access needs. Remote work policies were restricted to two designated days per week. The conference room policy allowed teams to book rooms anywhere on campus, which made my meeting-to-meeting commute chaotic. My co-workers questioned and judged why I took on-campus meetings remotely from my desk or carried a heating pad with me wherever I went, or why I fatigued so quickly walking from building to building. When a colleague tested positive for COVID-19, just one email shut down our whole campus. Around the country and the world, work, school, and life moved onlinefor years. Remote work and other so-called reasonable accommodations previously denied to disabled workers because it was too expensive, too complicated, and bad for productivity and morale, soon became standard procedure. How companies pivoted during the COVID-19 pandemic revealed what had always been possible. Employers restructured jobs, made spatial modifications, and provided personal protective equipment. Relaxed policies allowed workers to reduce their schedules or flex their work hours. This restructuring did not reach everyone. The pandemic affected office workers and frontline service workers unevenly. People who could not work remotely bore the brunt of death and disease because employers and legislators failed to protect them. Still, the COVID-19 pandemic began an experiment of collective access at an unprecedented scale. The support and structure we need as disabled workers are not accommodations, as weve learned to call them. Our access needs must be met to do our jobs. It is unnecessary (and prone to unchecked, unlawful discrimination) for companies to define and determine what is reasonable. Without a doubt, how companies pivoted during the COVID-19 pandemic revealed what had always been possible to ensure disabled workers can have their access needs met. Unfortunately, all those learned lessons seem to have already been lost. Just a few years later, many employers have eliminated access practices, forced compliance through threats of termination, and enacted other punitive measures to constrain an empowered workforce. Ableism hurts us all. 3. No sector is immune to inequity. Its common to make for-profit companies the boogeymen of inequitable, hostile workplaces. Ive spent most of my career working at mission-driven organizations. Early in my career, I worked as a teacher and administrator in charter schools. I spent five years in the global health and development sector. And I worked at a women-focused start-up. Each organization grounded its work in a progressive mission for equity, but that did not exempt these industries from the very same practices of discrimination, bullying, and abuse better known to characterize so-called Corporate America. Institutions that contradict their own missions can corrupt the part of our authenticity fulfilled by mission-driven work. Instead of nurturing possibility, it breeds cynicismnot just toward one institution, but the entire sector. Authenticity isnt just who we are, but what we believe in: our mission and purpose in our careers. We must include practices and policies across sectors to better understand workplace inequities and their impacts on all workers. 4. Being more authentic cannot change company culture. Every workerany personwould want the space and safety to be themselves. We want to express ourselves without contorting who we are. This is especially true for workers subjected to historical and active identity-based discrimination. Institutions often define authenticity by markers of difference. These accoutrements of identity can include hairstyles, clothing, pronouns, assistive objects, religious paraphernalia, or the words we speak. But inclusion takes more than just wheelchair ramps, pronoun pins, or inclusive dress codes. We want to express ourselves without contorting who we are. As workers, we exchange our talent and time for wages. There are much larger institutional levers impacting our professional lives than self-expressionwage theft, pay inequity, workplace fissuring, technological and managerial surveillance, occupationl segregation, racism, sexism, and other forms of structural violence. Redefined as individual acts of self-expression, authenticity narratives abstract unjust and unlawful labor practices that perpetuate workplace discrimination. 5. Community is our greatest resource. Employee resource groups (ERGs) are employee-led identity-based groups that provide formal channels for connection and collaboration. These groups are sponsored by employers, in that they are acknowledged, supported, and sometimes funded. ERGs are a lifeline for marginalized and underrepresented employees. No matter what our rank, department, office location, state, or region, we turn to ERGs for a place to belong. As corporate DEI programs evolve, more than 90 percent of Fortune 500 companies have active ERGs today. I always found the resource part of employee resource groups a bit curious. Who are the resources for? As workers, whatever space weve carved out for ourselves belongs increasingly to the business. Institutions rely on ERGs to support their workforce at large, demonstrate their commitment to diversity, and comply with federal EEO mandates. ERGs help institutions attract and recruit more people of color, women, and other marginalized professionals. Our lived experiences serve critical parts of the business function: sensitivity readers, product innovation, and PR damage control. Do ERGs have the capacity to agitate for the kind of protections we need, as workers, to be our full, authentic selves? Can ERGs provide safety for workers in the form of labor protections? ERGs are projects of representation. By design, their power to ensure material labor protections is limited. ERGs appear union-like but cannot act in ways that are dealing with the organization. They cannot negotiate on the terms and conditions of employment. They cannot hold, act on, or represent collective worker grievances. They cannot engage in any collective bargaining with the employer. No organization-sponsored employee group can be structured to truly empower its workforce. To be more authentic, we need community, protection, and a definition of authenticity that goes beyond projects of representation. Enjoy our full library of Book Bitesread by the authors!in the Next Big Idea App. This article originally appeared in Next Big Idea Club magazine and is reprinted with permission.
Category:
E-Commerce
All news |
||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||